Thoughts on the end.

I've been thinking recently, probably a little too much, about the end of my time in Paris. I leave exactly 7 weeks from tomorrow, which, although it may seem far off, is pretty soon compared to the almost nine months that I have already spent here. Recently I've been going through some tough patches of really wanting to be home, maybe some of the hardest times I've had since coming. I think about Atlanta, the US, home, and all the people and things that I love and miss there, and Paris becomes an unwelcome blur. I often have to force myself to take a step back and remember why I am here, what I'm doing, why I wanted to come. Does that make me weak? That's something I've been struggling with this year as well. For the better part of the last ten years I've known that I love to travel, experience new things and learn about different cultures. A large portion of my college career has been dedicated to an organization which promotes living abroad as the key to global integration and cultural understanding. Yet, one thing I think that I've learned this year is that, although this has been a great experience, studying and living abroad may not necessarily be for me. It's hard to balance that conclusion with the mission of AIESEC, my possible career paths, my desire to experience and understand other cultures, and my own values. Can I be a real AIESECer (a globally-minded member of the world) if, in the end, I prefer to live at home, in the US? 

I think the answer is yes. This year has taught me a lot about myself and what is important to me in life. I've learned that one of the most important things for me is to be near loved ones, and that I'm much more of an American than I ever would have thought (or wanted to admit :-P). I think I may regret not having been able to assimilate into the French life more, but I've tried, and it just honestly is not me. I'm coming to terms with that, and although I will continue to love learning about other cultures and visiting new places, I've been able to realize this year how much a part of me my culture is, and that I shouldn't try to replace it. 

So the challenge for me, for the next seven weeks, is to make the most of my remaining time here as possible. It's a challenge because I far too easily fall into funks here, of going to school and coming home and working, and maybe going out with friends on the weekends. And especially now, I tend to convince myself that investing time in creating new relationships is futile since we're all leaving so soon. I need to reverse that thought process, experience more of the things that I love about Paris with the people I've come to build new relationships with, no matter how new they are. Seven weeks is not a long time, especially when I will have visitors for at least two or three of those weeks. I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't make the very best of these next few weeks, to make coming back home even sweeter.

Sorry for the long rambling post where you probably learned way to much about the goings-on of my head, but its just a lot of stuff I've been thinking about and needed to get off my chest. I want to thank you all for the wonderful encouragement these past nine months, and I can't wait to see you all again soon!!

Much Love~